I am a part of a birth board of women due in February, and recently was corrected for a comment I made about how I am going back and forth on finding out the gender of my baby. ‘Actually, that’s the SEX. You won’t know your babies GENDER until he or she is old enough to decide for THEMSELVES.”
Ok, I am all for inclusion and the acknowledgement of all people in the LGBTQ community. I recognize and support a person’s right to be recognized for the gender that they identify with. But, why does everything have to come back to this? Why is me celebrating the gender of my child somehow degrading them? Why does everything have to be offensive?
Males and females ARE different. If they weren’t, people wouldn’t feel the need to transition. I think the differences are a biological miracle. I think the things that make me a woman should be celebrated just as a man should acknowledge and love the things about him that are male. If I was born in a mans body, and knew that I was a woman, I would want to make that change because I would feel alien in my own skin. Because there is a difference, and everyone deserves the right to be who they are and celebrate themselves.
If one day my children tell me they identify with a gender other than what they were born with, I would love and support them. My goal is to raise children who have a relationship with their mother that is full of unconditional love. I refuse to raise my children with a fear of “assigning” them a gender. They are born male or female. I will celebrate that. I will celebrate every single part of them for the rest of my life. And if they tell me they are another gender, I will embrace it, I will grow and learn and become their champion. That is my purpose as a mother.
Attacking mothers for using the term “gender” is ridiculous. Some people choose to raise their children in a gender neutral environment, and that is all fine and dandy for them, but that isn’t everyone’s choice and I believe my choice deserves the same respect as anyone elses.
How is this progression and acceptance if the only acceptable way to raise children is what someone tells you is right?
I can see if I was being hateful, or denouncing a group entirely. But I can assure you that I (and most mothers) don’t use the term “gender reveal” or “I can’t wait to find out the gender” as a way to wage war on the transgender community and as a result our own children. I can assure you that through these comments I am in no way stating that if one day my child tells me they identify with a different gender I will reject them. Truly, that is the farthest thing from my mind.
Our world is changing, and with it society. I am sure things will continue to change more and more and I will learn more and grow as a result of it. It wasn’t until the last couple years that I had ever heard that gender identity and sexual preference are separate, and although it makes perfect sense to me now it was something I had never heard before. It was an amazing revelation, and I was excited to learn and be able to understand and respect the people around me better.
In our journey to grow and change, can we try to be realistic about who and what is offensive and what is innocent and well meant?
It’s like being mad when someone says they will keep you in their prayers when something bad is happening because you don’t believe in God, or being offended by someone telling you ‘Merry Christmas’ because you don’t celebrate Christmas. Why can’t you accept the well wish as someone reaching out saying “I see you, I acknowledge you and want to show you that I care about your existence”.
Why can’t you hear a mother say ‘I am going to have a gender reveal party!’ and know that she is celebrating an exciting milestone in her pregnancy, and let it end there? Why can’t someone say ‘I can’t wait to find out the gender’ and you just say something like ‘How exciting!’??
Why does ANYONE have to give a d?
And maybe in them most literal sense that lady was right. I will be finding out the sex of my child, and that is the true correct terminology. But am I really wrong for using the term gender? Does it matter? Or better, does it HAVE to matter? Does it have to be anyone’s business what terms I use?
So I choose to celebrate my children’s gender because I love everything about them. I love who they are, and if they grow and change them I will grow and change with them.
Because I love them, and a mother who parents her children with the foundation of love is doing it right.